5 Things Friday - Facts About Stillbirth

After losing Lexi we have all learned a lot we never knew before.  From talking to different people, it feels like everyone you talk to knows someone who went through something similar.  Em has been doing a lot of research and I asked her to contribute and share with me 5 facts she has learned that she thinks others should know:

1.  1 out of every 150 births end with stillborn.

2.  1 out of every 4 cases of stillborn never have a diagnosed cause.

3.  Average couples get pregnant again within 5 months to a year after a stillbirth. 

4.  Most pregnancies after stillbirth lead to healthy babies.

5.  There is a higher rate of stillbirths in this country than SIDS but less talked about.

Lets try and do something about #5.  I don't want it to be less talked about.  I think it makes you feel so alone when it happens to you.  You feel like you are the only one who has ever been through something like this and its comforting to know that you aren't. 

As you all know, I am very adamant about SIDS and SUID awareness after we lost Cassie.  Now I feel adamant about Stillbirth awareness.  I just want everyone to know that they are not alone. 

Saying Goodbye to Lexi

Two weeks ago we had Lexi's funeral.  A day you never think you will have to experience, a funeral for your niece.   A day I haven't felt ready to share until now. 

Em and Gerald asked everyone to wear some color to celebrate the fact that Lexi is a little girl.  Gerald got a pink tie, Em got a pink sweater.  I wore a purple dress and Gary wore a purple shirt.  All for our sweet Lexi. 

Em and Gerald first went to the funeral home to have some private time with her.  Then they all came to the church where we had a small service.  Gary and I stood and Gary read the blog I had written.  Jacinda and Luke got up and read.  Then the preacher read a letter that Em and Gerald had wrote to Lexi.  Below is a copy of what they wrote:

To our precious Lexi Mae,

It saddens us to have to write this letter to you, not to be able to tell you face to face.  While we only knew you for a short time we cannot begin to tell you how many plans and wishes we had for you.  We did not know that you were our daughter until the very end.  We chose to be surprised.  We did know however that if we were blessed with a girl how spoiled and loved you would be. 

As your mother I would have made sure that you knew the special relationship that only a mother and daughter could have.  I would have taught you to always stand up for what you feel is right and not to let anyone try and change your mind.  Being bull headed is not always a bad thing.  I would have taught you that it’s ok to want to ride quads and play in the dirt and then come inside and play dress-up.  I would have made sure that you had a new outfit for every occasion no matter how small.  I would have offered you all the advice and wisdom that was passed down to me from my mom, as well as what I have managed to learn on my own.  I would have tried to persuade you that Kenny Chesney is the greatest singer ever and together we could have driven your dad nuts singing his songs all the time.   I would have passed down my wedding dress and allowed you to tell me how out of style it is.  I would have taught you how important a work ethic is and how rewarding it can be to know that you can support and take care of yourself.  I would have also made sure that you know how you deserved to be treated and never to settle for anything less.  I would have wished you would find a man to treat you just as you dad treats me.  I would have wanted you to feel the same love and respect that I have been lucky enough the find.  You will always be my precious baby girl and I can’t begin to tell how sad it makes me to know that I will never have the opportunity to teach these things and so many others. 

As your father, I honestly didn’t know what to expect. I do know that after holding you in my arms I would have done anything for you and yes, just like your mother says we would have been poor, I would have bought anything in the world for my baby girl. I would have bought you flowers for every occasion and some just because. You would have had the coolest car or the biggest truck or even both if you wanted. We would have rode quads together, even if your mother objected, you would have been able to out ride all of the boys. We could have went hunting together, at least until you got to be too cool to hang out with me. You are beautiful like your mother so I know I would have had some conversations with some boys. And Kenny isn’t so bad, I would have loved to hear you and your mom sing together.  I would have taught you the value of an education if you decided that’s what you wanted.  I would have shown how rewarding it can be to work hard.  I would have taught you to not live in fear and not be afraid to play hard, even though your mother would have said otherwise.  I would have wanted you to always strive to live for the day.  I will miss you every day.

We are aware that we as your parents are not the only ones who are grieving you.  We have wonderful people both friends and family in our lives that would have shown you more love than you will ever know.  You have grandparents who would have spoiled you with love and gifts even if we objected.  You have aunts and uncles that would have taught you everything that we hoped you wouldn’t learn, and they would have bought you things like camo hip waders and taught you that the big city isn’t so bad.  You have a cousin who would have passed down all her stuff and taught you how to wrap grandma and pap around your finger.   You have a puppy that would have protected you from anything and ate all the food that you didn’t like unless it’s a vegetable.  He had already picked his spot to sleep right in front of your crib.  There are numerous other people that would have been involved in your life.  We wish they all had a chance to see how beautiful you were.

In the time that we have come to know you, you have taught us so much.  It's an awesome thought to us that you've fulfilled your life's purpose in such a short time.   You have taught us to not take life for granted, to not sweat the small things.  You have helped make us realize what a gift everyday can be.  Before you were born we were never really sure that we would be the parenting types, however after holding you in our arms and feeling the love that can only be felt for a child we know that we would have been good parents and will always hold you in our hearts.

Lexi, we want you to know that you will never be forgotten.  We will continue to celebrate you as long as we are here on Earth.  We are at peace knowing that in spirit you will always be with us.  It will continue to pain us every day that we cannot hold you in our arms, but we will get through it knowing that someday we will be with you again.

We love you with all our hearts,

Mom and Dad

After the service was over we all went to the cemetery.  Em and Gerald picked a beautiful spot for her.  Its right beside the pond. 

Em saved some flowers from the arrangements and dried them and added them to an amazing wall that she has made at her house to remember Lexi.  Because that is our number one priority now - to never let her be forgotten. 

None of us are the same people we were a month ago.  Tomorrow is the last day of July.  When I think of everything that has changed in my world in the last month its just mind boggling.  None of us are the same and that is ok.  Lexi happened.  There is no denying that or pretending like she didn't.  She is just as important to us today as she was a month ago - before we knew what would happen to her.  Just because we lost her doesn't mean we love her any less.  She is still a part of our family and she always will be.  We love you Lexi.

 

Alexa Mae

Not all fairytales have a happy ending.

Em's water broke Friday night and her and Gerald headed to the hospital.  When they got there the doctors couldn't find the baby's heartbeat and that is the moment that our lives all changed...

Em went on to deliver a beautiful baby girl at 7:06 Saturday morning.  She was 7 pounds 8 ounces.  She had lots of dark hair like her daddy.  Alexa Mae "Lexi" was perfect. 

Its amazing how life can change so fast.  In an instant Em and Gerald went from going into labor to planning a funeral.  No parent should ever have to bury a child.  Its just not how the world is supposed to work, but sometimes things just don't go as planned, no matter what we do.

My "little" sister is the strongest woman I have ever met.  I have so much admiration for her and the strength she has shown through all of this.  To know that you have already lost your baby and then to have to deliver is something that no one should ever have to experience.  But she did it.  And I believe in her.  I believe that she is going to take this horrific tragedy and turn it into something positive. 

And Gerald.... I know that my sister will always be taken care of as long as he is around.  Gerald would move mountains if she asked him to.  And I know that it breaks his heart that he couldn't fix this for her.  I would have loved watching him raise Lexi, you know she would have had him wrapped around her finger.  Em may have been upstaged. 

This is what breaks my heart and keeps me up at night.  All the things we will never know.  Lyla acts just like Em, to the point I call them by each others names quite often.  I wonder - would Lexi have acted like me?  Would she have been the little country girl in cowboy boots and camo?  Or would she have been the totally girly girl who hated going outside?  We won't ever have the answers.

To put it simply - it sucks.  Its just blah.  Its not fair, it isn't right and if there were any way in this world for me to change it I would. 

Saturday was a terrible day and a beautiful day all at the same time.  I'm thankful I was there and that I got to hold my niece, even if it was so briefly.  I hate that she was taken away from us before we had the chance to know who she could have become. 

Alexa Mae has changed this world and I will live the rest of my life making sure that she isn't ever forgotten. 

Track #003 - Baby I Love Your Way

Kate's Playlist - Track #003

Song Title:  Baby I Love Your Way
Artist:  Big Mountain
Album:  Unity

My thoughts:
This is such a perfect summer song.  You can't hear it and not imagine sitting on a beach somewhere.  I have always loved this song and sort of forgot about it, but I heard it this morning and got really excited and wanted to share it!

Video:

Lyrics:

Ooh baby, I love your way, every day
Ooh baby, I love your way, every day

Shadows grow so long before my eyes
And they're moving across the page
Suddenly the day turns into night far away from the city
But don't, oh no, hesitate
Cause your love just won't wait

Ooh baby, I love your way, every day
I wanna tell you I love your way, every day
I wanna be with you night and day

The moon appears to shine and light the sky
With the help of some firefly
I wonder how they have the power to shine, shine, shine
Well, I can see them under the pine
But don't, oh no no, hesitate
Cause your love just won't wait

Ooh baby, I love your way, every day
I wanna tell you I love your way, every day
I wanna be with you night and day

I can see the sunset in your eyes
Brown and grey and blue besides
Clouds are stalking islands in the sun
I wish I could buy one, out of season
But don't, oh no no, hesitate
Cause your love just won't wait, just won't wait

Ooh baby, I love your way, every every day
I wanna tell you I love your way
I wanna tell you how I love your ways
I wanna be with you night and day
Every day and every way

Ooh baby, I love your way
Ooh baby, I love your little ways
I wanna tell you I love your way
I wanna tell you, I wanna tell how I love your way
I wanna be with you night and day
Ooh baby, I love your way
Ooh baby....

5 Things Friday - Lyla is 4!

Lyla turned 4 years old on Tuesday.  Not only has she grown almost 4 inches over the last year, but she has really grown up into her own personality. 

We had her birthday party at the house this past Saturday.  She got to celebrate with me and Gary, her Grandma and Pappy, Auntie Em and Uncle G (and baby Jones was there too), Sitta, Aunt Patti and Uncle Delmus and Amanda, Justin, Becca and Angie.  She originally wanted a Frozen birthday party but everything was sold out so she settled for her 2nd favorite, Minnie Mouse. 

Her big present from Gary and I this year was a big girl bike.  She is learning and getting better every time we take her out on it.

Last year for her birthday I did a little interview with her on her 5 favorite things.  I decided to do it again this year and plan to do it every year, so here you have for 5 Things Friday - Lyla's Favorite Things (4 years old):

1.  What is your Favorite Song?
           Frozen

2.  What is your Favorite Food?
          Watermelon  (same as last year)

3.  Who is your Best Friend?
           Becca (same as last year)

4.  What is your Favorite Color?
          Purple

5.  What is your Favorite TV Show?
          Mickey Mouse

Heard Around the House #28

I took Lyla to the grocery store with me last night.

Me:  Should we get some baby carrots?

Lyla:  What are baby carrots?

Me:  I hold up the bag, these little carrots I gave you the other day that you liked.  They are called baby carrots.

Lyla:  I thought those were big girl carrots.  I like them and I'm not a baby - I'm a big girl!

Track #002 - What Means the Most

Kate's Playlist - Track #002

Song Title:   What Means the Most
Artist:  Colbie Caillat
Album:  All of You

My Thoughts:
This is obliviously a love song, but when I hear it my head goes to Lyla.  It has always made me think of her.  And I have a video of her from a couple years ago dancing to it, I cry every time I watch it!  She is my world and absolutely the most important thing in my life.  Having her, I have all I will ever need.

Video(s):

Lyla:



Colbie (She didn't actually do a video for this song, but you can hear the whole song here):

Lyrics:

The other day when someone asked me
"Are you living your dream? "
I didn't know what to say
I honestly had to think
I try to be so many places at the same time
Every day a million things cluttering up my mind
Another feather falling off my wings
I climb so high it gets hard to breathe
Forget to remember what I really need

What means the most to me
Is waking up next to you
Feel the morning breeze
You're my favorite thing and I love
Coming home to your arms
When you kiss me hello
It's these simple things
That mean the most to me
That mean the most to me, yeah

Every time I have to leave
I feel like I am leaving a part of me
You're the only place I wanna be
Well nothing else matters I just lose focus
When you're not around you're still the only one I notice
I can't help the way I feel
It doesn't matter if I win or lose

'Cause what means the most to me
Is waking up next to you
When you're holding me
And have a little time to play
In your arms, race your heart, laugh 'til it gets dark
It's these simple things that mean the most to me

No more days far away where I miss you
No more nights trying to fall asleep without you
From now on I'm always gonna be there
I won't miss another day that we won't share
I'll be there

'Cause you mean the most to me
Oh, you mean the most to me
Now that I'm here with you
I will stay by your side
I won't leave you this time
Oh no

The next time that someone asks me
"Are you living your dream? "
I guess I'll know what to say
I won't even have to think