Its hard to wrap my mind around the fact that it was two years ago that I got that life shattering phone call. Lexi's memory has just become a part of our lives now, like she's always been in that spot of our souls. We have all found our own ways of continuing to live our lives, but they are not the same lives we had before she came. I see things differently now. I think about the things I say to people differently now. Its like you are a part of a club that nobody wants to be in. We've experienced something so horrific that nobody wants to talk about it. Nobody wants to believe that it can happen.
Almost all of my girlfriends are currently pregnant. I'm ecstatic for them. But I'm tarnished now. I know firsthand that things don't always go the way you plan and it terrifies me. I don't want to watch another person I love go through that. Waiting in that hospital while Em gave birth to Lexi, knowing that she was already gone just about broke me.
Its amazing to me that two years later whenever most of the time I'm ok - it can hit me in the oddest moment. It will just floor me with an overwhelming sense of disbelief. I just go right back to that day and that feeling of being helpless. Not being able to do ANYTHING to change the situation that was playing out in front of me.
So today - I ask you all to LOVE. Love in memory of Lexi. Love your family. Love your kids. Just hold everyone a little closer because today that is something you can do. Loving the people in your life is something that you can control.
