The Meaning of Friendship

How do you define friendship? 

I think the answer to this is different for everyone.  And I think one person can have lots of different sorts of friendships that fall on different ends of a wide spectrum.  I know it is absolutely that way for me.

I have been blessed to have many different friends over the last 30 years.  Some I have been friends with for years, some I am just getting to know.  A lot of people of come in and out of my life.  Some I miss spending time with on a regular basis, others I don't miss at all. 

There is one special group of people though.  Its hard for me to explain, but there are some people who I meet and I just feel a very genuine, very deep connection to.  Soul mates if you will.  There are just some people who have such an impact on my heart that I couldn't ever forget them no matter what kind of time passes.  And sadly, sometimes these are the people who I don't get to keep in contact with the way I wish I could or I don't get to see them as often as others. 

I lost one of my soul mates this week.

Jessi and I met in middle school.  She was very nice and very quiet.  When we went to high school we had every single class together our freshman year.  And so began one of the best friendships of my life. 

Those 4 years of high school Jessi and I were pretty inseparable.  We lived kind of far apart and it was long distance for us to call each other.  I remember after some ridiculous phone bills her mom got a special long distance plan where they had free long distance on weekends.  Jess and I knew we could talk as much as we wanted starting at midnight on Friday.  We learned the hard way you had to MAKE THE CALL after midnight.  Apparently if you made the call at 11:30 and kept talking until the wee hours of the morning on Saturday it DID NOT automatically flip over to free calling.  Boy did we get in trouble for that one! 

That wasn't the only trouble we got in to.  Jess and I were boy crazy to say the least.  And that got us in to all kinds of trouble (but some of the best memories of my life)!  We caused a riot on the streets of West Alex one night.  A full out brawl over us!  We lied to our parents and got busted all because we wanted to spend the night with two boys that we liked.  Instead of passing notes back and forth at school we had notebooks that we would pass back and forth throughout the day.  I wish I still had those.  We just never ran out of things to talk about.  We could be together all weekend and still talk on the phone for 3 hours Sunday night.

We weren't always up to trouble though.  One year for her birthday her dad got her three tickets to the Nsync concert.  So she asked me to come with her and instead of asking a third friend, she invited my little sister to come with us.  Jessi was the youngest in her family and she knew how crazy my sister was about Nsync and she just knew exactly how awful it would feel to watch her older sister go without her.  So me, Jessi and Em went to Nsync.  Its one of my sisters favorite memories and just completely shows the wonderful kind of person Jessi was.

I think a favorite memory that Jess and I never stopped laughing about is we were driving down Route 40 one day in the pouring down rain.  All of a sudden my windshield wiper on the driver's side just flew off of my car!  There it lay shattered in the middle of the road.  Here we are two teenage girls, trying to see to drive the car, we had our heads out the windows.  Oh the whole sight was just hilarious.  We would randomly over the years just send each other a message - hey remember when our wiper fell off??? 

One of the things that most of the people we went to high school with didn't realize was that Jessi was sick.  And the hardest thing about her being sick is that it always seemed like nobody could explain what was wrong with her.  I remember her waking up some mornings and not being able to get out of bed because she couldn't feel her legs.  And she had all kinds of stomach problems.  She was eventually diagnosed with crohn's disease.  And she had arthritis.  It was hard on her.  She just wanted to be like all the other teenagers, but at times she just physically couldn't do it.  But she never let it get her down.  She would just push forward.  I remember one time she got rushed to Children's Hospital in an ambulance.  Her sister and I drove up to Pittsburgh to meet Jessi and her mom at the hospital.  Jessi's reaction to everything... how cool it was to ride in an ambulance! 

At our high school the senior class went on a trip to Florida every year.  Jessi wasn't going to go.  I begged and pleaded with her until final she agreed to go.  And I am so happy that she did.  We had so much fun! 

Graduation came and went and Jessi went off to college while I was still at home.  A couple years later I moved to Morgantown.  We always stayed in contact but we were living different lives.  This is where Facebook and Email came to the rescue.  We weren't ever as close as we were those years in high school but we were able to see each other's wedding pictures and pictures of our babies.  We didn't spend a lot of time together after high school, but we always knew that the other one was only a phone call or an email away.

We made lots of plans to get together over the years that just would not ever pan out for one reason or another.  Then one day last August I was sitting at my desk eating my lunch and decided to check Facebook.  Jessi had updated her status and it just rocked me to my core.  She had been diagnosed with liver cancer.  Now Jessi had always been sick.  One of her problems was a liver disease.  But now it was cancer.  Most people would get this diagnosis and be devastated, but not my Jessi Marie... oh no!  She was excited.  She was happy because this would allow her to get the liver transplant that she desperately needed but wasn't "sick enough" to get on the list until now. 

Things from August to now have been a complete roller coaster for her and her family.  A roller coaster that crashed on Saturday.  First her brother was supposed to donate part of his liver and that got canceled, they had her do an extreme round of chemo that landed her in the hospital, very very sick.  She finally got her transplant, went back in to the hospital with blood clots in her lungs.  Then she was home a couple weeks before going back to the hospital again and not ever getting to come back home. 

Nothing about this is right and nothing about it is fair.  My heart is shattered because I don't have her here anymore.  Not that we spent a lot of time together lately, but she was still there anytime I wanted to talk to her or her to me.  And there were still just certain things in our lives that she is truly the only one who I could talk to that I knew would understand.  She passed away on May 4th, her son's 8th birthday was the 6th, and she will be buried on her 30th birthday on the 9th.  I don't know how her son and her husband are going to move forward from losing her.  I don't know how her mom is going to go back to a normal life after not ever leaving her side through any of this.  I just don't have any answers. 

Jessi was a beautiful woman inside and out.  I'm so honored to say that in my life she is one of the friends that left a permanent mark on my heart.  She will not ever be replaced and I will always remember her as lovely and sweet as she always was.

This is a video that was shown at a 5K to raise money for her hospital bills. It was held the Sunday before she passed away.

Kids & the Parents who raise them

**WARNING**
I'm mad and disgusted over something that happen last night.  This is snowballing in to a big old rant... I need an outlet... this is that outlet.

I'm a parent now.  Before I had Lyla I used to judge parents for things they would let their kids do and say "I would never....".  You might think after having a child of your own that you judge other parents less.  In some circumstances that is true.  Like the poor mom with the screaming kid in the cart at the grocery store.  I don't judge her anymore.  She needs milk and doesn't have a babysitter, what else is she supposed to do?  BUT in other circumstances, well I judge even more after having a child of my own.  I judge and get downright angry at these parents.

When you make the choice to become a parent you are taking on the biggest responsibility of your life.  Its a huge decision.  And I understand that some pregnancies are not planned.  But seriously, if you are going to have sex then its planned.  If you don't think you want the responsibility of another human being, then keep it in your pants. 

Let me give you all the story of what happen to us last night and then I can continue my rant...

Background:  There are a lot of kids that live on our street.  There is a wide range of ages.  They all run up and down our street without much adult supervision.  It seems to me the "older kids" (elementary age) are responsible for taking care of the "little kids" (Lyla's age and some younger).  I am not ok with this.  And I know that the day is going to come when Lyla wants to play with all the other kids in the neighborhood and I have to be THAT MOM who tells her no.  And she isn't going to understand why and she is going to hate me for it.  But she is my responsibility and that will be my decision. 

A couple weeks ago I was driving down our street and the kids were all out playing.  I stopped the car so the older kids could get out of the way.  I start driving again (very slowly) and one of the little kids, honestly, she is a baby.  I don't know how old she is, but I'm going to go with close to 2.  She ran out in front of me from between two parked cars.  I slammed on the brakes and barely missed her.  Who comes to grab her?  Her older sister while her mom is in another car with the window down screaming at her to get back on the sidewalk. 

So last night Gary is at work and Lyla and I are eating dinner.  I hear a noise, I thought it was the cat with one of her toys.  Then my doorbell rings.  I got outside and find out that one of the kids shattered my basement window with a rock.  The kid is the older sister of the baby I almost hit with my car.  She is 4 years old.  I know because I asked the grandfather while he was boarding up my window for me.  FOUR. YEARS. OLD.  and she is running around the neighborhood without an adult.  Are you kidding me?  Her mom came down and is screaming at the poor little girl.  You know what, am I mad at the girl for throwing a rock (probably one of my nice expensive landscape rocks I'm sure), no, I'm not.  Want to know why... because she is FOUR YEARS OLD and nobody is teaching her right from wrong.  Am I mad at her mother... YES!  Absolutely yes. 

I just don't understand the world that we live in and the lack of concern that all these parents have.  I saw on the news this morning that a two year old was found in the middle of a main street because her dad was passed out drunk on the couch. 

There are so many people out there that want to have children and can't.  Then you have all these idiots that do have kids but don't want to take care of them.  It makes no sense to me.  None. 

The most I can say for all of this is that Lyla learned a good lesson.  She doesn't miss a thing.  When she was in the bathtub last night she reenacted the evenings events with her little people and said how we do not throw rocks....  At least there was one positive! 

Spring is (was for a day) Here!

What was really great about the fact we stayed at my parents Friday night was that Saturday turned out to be a beautiful day so Lyla got to play in the country for a few hours.  But first we started off with one of my mom's breakfasts!  Greasy breakfast was exactly what I need after Friday night!  Em brought over fruit with a dip that Lyla loved!

Then she got to play outside.  She asked Pappy if she could drive the tractor.  My dad claims that she actually did do a lot of the steering!  She was having so much fun!

When we got home Gary decided to put together his grill he got for Christmas.  He laid all the pieces out in the backyard.  As soon as Lyla saw the empty box sitting there she screamed "Look its a rocket ship!" and she seriously played in it for the rest of the day! 

30 Years & 1 Day Old... Let the Celebrations Continue!

Thursday was my birthday, Friday was the party day!!

First I had a party at work, then after work we headed to WashPa.  Lyla went to my parents and Gary and I met up with a bunch of our friends for dinner then to the bar.  We had so much fun!  I truly have some of the best people on this planet for friends!  I can't imagine my life without them!  Honestly, I think the pictures speak for themselves.  I will say, hangovers after you turn 30 hurt... they hurt a lot! 

5 Things Friday - Birthday Highlights

Yesterday was the BIG day... I'm 30 now!  Here are my 5 favorite moments from yesterday:

1.  Lyla telling me happy birthday, singing to me happy birthday, her just loving that it was my birthday! 

2.  Gary being off of work. He took off yesterday, today AND Tomorrow from the second job, best present ever to have him home!

3.  All the phone calls and messages!  Dad called me at 6:00 in the morning, Em called as soon as she woke up so she wouldn't forget, Gerald called closer to bedtime when he remembered... which is the norm and I wouldn't have it any other way! 

4.  Amanda leaving balloons and flowers on my front door for when I got home last night!  Such a simple gesture but it really touched me.  I forgot how wonderful it is to have a friend that lives nearby!

5.  Going out to dinner with Gary and Lyla.  We had so much fun!  They sang happy birthday, we all shared dessert.  It was great! 

I did take pictures yesterday (I got a new camera too!).  I will update later and add the pics.

Lots more celebrations today, so definitely another post on my birthday over the weekend!  I mean, you only turn 30 once, so why wouldn't you celebrate for multiple days?!?!?!

5 Things Friday - 5 Lessons Learned From My First 30 Years

On Thursday I will be 30 years old.

30.

It seems like such a milestone and I'm not really sure why.  I thought it would really bother me, I mean, 25 about put my over the edge.  But I feel good about 30.  At 25 I was upset because I didn't know what direction my life was going.  I just wasn't content with where I was.  I wasn't college age anymore and it was no longer appropriate to be a drunken fool and irresponsible all the time.  But we were still in an apartment, we didn't know if we were going to try to have a baby or not.  I wasn't young anymore, but I wasn't a "grown up" either.  But now, at this point of my life, at almost 30, I am comfortable.  I am a grown up now and I'm good with that.

I saw one of those e cards not long ago that really made me laugh at just how true it was:

You really are as young as you feel - until you spend time with people who are younger! 

In honor of being on the cusp of 30, 5 Things Friday - 5 Lessons Learned From My First 30 Years:

1.  Cherish the relationships that are positive and get rid of the ones that aren't.  This goes for friendships, relationships, family... anybody in your life.  If you aren't benefiting in some way from the relationship - let it go.  I see no point in having people around just because they have always been around if they are having a negative input on your life.  Life is short, don't waste the precious time on drama.

2.  Learn to grocery shop and to cook.  I wish I had paid attention to my mom when she was cooking all those years I lived at home.  And I wish I had paid more attention when I would go to the grocery store with her!  It was tough trying to figure this all out on my own, but you can't eat out every meal forever.  I definitely learned that the hard way by gaining way too much weight and wasting way too much money.  Sometimes I still struggle finding things at the store and will have to go up and down every single aisle before I can find the damn sloppy joe mix.... 

3.  Change is good - don't panic.  This was a big lesson learned for me.  Ask my mom.  I seriously cried every single day of my senior year because I was so scared and nervous about such a big change in my life.  Ask Gary about my move to Morgantown, I struggled with that big change too.  Finally I am starting to accept changes as a positive.  Life cannot stay the same forever and why would we want it to really?  Things are exciting when you can switch them up and make them new.  I am so glad to have finally learned that.  I am sure the next 30 years will be better with that knowledge and true understanding.

4.  I would rather spend money doing something I enjoy than having more stuff.  I love doing things.  Whether it be going to a concert or out to dinner with people I love.  I cherish the memories of the events so much more than buying something that I will end up throwing away in a year anyways... 

5.  Last but not least - Don't spend money you don't have.  I know I keep talking about it, but Gary and I are working SO HARD at paying off our credit card and once its paid off, we are going to start only buying things if we have saved up the money to do so.  I know there are emergencies and sometimes we will have no other choice but to charge something.  But we are not ever going to get in so over our heads ever again.  Never ever ever.

I'm still here! :)

Things have been busy.  Like REALLY busy!  Busy at home, busy at work, just busy ALL. THE. TIME. 

Sometimes I honestly forget that anyone reads this blog.  I do it for myself and I hope that its still available to access on the internet when Lyla grows up so she can see what her mom was like, other than just being her mom.  I want her to know me as I am.  But then I get reminded that people do read it when everyone starts telling me that they are so disappointed there haven't been any updates lately!

I really don't even have the time right now for a proper update, other than things are good, just busy!  I will try to update more and upload some new pictures this weekend.  In the meantime, a video of my daughter - the future rock star!